This week has been overwhelming in my household. The straw that broke this camel’s back though was having people talk about me behind my back. I was not a huge fan of high school politics and honestly I thought I had left it behind but there is always a mean someone. We are new to town so people do not know me well enough at this point to know if what is being said even has merit. In my anxiety of being more isolated than I already am and a need to people please I reached out to a friend before I said or did anything. She reminded me that I have to give people permission to be wrong about me. It is hard but people are either willing to get to know you by what others are saying or they will look past that and get to know you and like the qualities the others scorned.
This year has been full of drama and fighting. I have worked so hard to remember to be kind because no one knows what is going on behind closed doors during this stressful time. I know the truth and as hard as it is , what other people say behind my back is none of my business. Letting go of those feelings of anxiety and my intense need to people please has been one of my biggest accomplishments this year. It is not perfect as this week has shown I am still susceptible. This week has been a reminder to be kind to myself as well. There will always be people who do not like me but I have given myself permission not to dwell on that. We have been taught our worth is only in what other people think about us and I want to change that. What I think of myself and what I believe are important should be all that guides me. I have quality friends who love me and are there during those moments when I feel I am not being true to myself. Quality will always outweigh quantity.
I hope as this year comes to a close you surround yourself(virtually) with the people that make you feel good about yourself in the truest form. I am not talking handing out compliments(okay I do hope they compliment you honestly) but time spent in honest enjoyment. Moments full of laughter, tears and comradery because you are fully accepted and loved. Close out the year knowing you are loved by your favourite people even if you are not in the same room.
Four Squared Motherhood 